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Just as women have their hot-button issues with single men, so too have men with women—namely that the Christian women they see around them “expect too much” of men and have ridiculously high standards, spiritually speaking.

As one man lamented in response to my online survey of Christian singles, “Lower your standards. If I don't look like an evangelical, smell like an evangelical, have unattainable character and charisma, spend all my free time at church, have all my issues settled, have all my prayers answered, know Scripture inside out, love children ... ” I could picture him throwing up his hands in defeat.

Anybody can handle a person easily when they are still happy and all shot up with those love hormones in the system. It’s when the person I’m dating is having a bad day or is sad or is just moody and how I respond to those negative behaviors that really determines whether the relationship will last. This must strike most women as “odd behavior” coming from a guy.Trust your own intuition: If your gut says yes to a second date with a sweet but socially awkward guy, then go for it, even if you know your BFF would scoff at his lack of game.“If you like him and have fun with him, that’s the only thing that matters, and following your gut can help you home in on what really turns you on,” Beyer explains. ]It’s fine to want to date a man who’s ambitious, but a title and paycheck doesn’t tell you anything about who someone is as a person, Beyer says.I am a firm believer that there are men like me out there.We’re not in very great numbers, sure, but we are there. And more often than not, we are those men who are generally reserved, quiet, and need a reason to talk to you. Unless I was genuinely curious about a woman, I wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to that woman. I was genuinely curious about some aspect of the things that she said on the Asian American activist group that we’re both a part of.“Christian women are just plain too picky, especially about finding a man who's spiritual enough,” said another man.“If they find themselves being pursued by a guy they genuinely think is a believer, whom they find reasonably attractive, and who they think would make a decent husband, they should just marry him.If anything, the women I know err on the side of giving too much latitude to men, sometimes blurring the lines between someone who “believes in God” and a real believer.But that’s not what showed up in the responses from men who took my survey.It’d be great if he connected with your crew, but worrying too much about how others will react to him makes it harder to figure out whether you like him, says April Beyer, a dating and relationship coach.The fix: “Falling in love requires bravery,” Beyer says.When you’re the one screening, you come from a place of power.You get out of “how can I get this girl to like me? Instead, by being selective you show that you don’t need external validation and that you have choice and confidence with women.His values—whether or not he wants kids, how commitment-oriented he is—are a lot more essential to a healthy relationship, adds Kate Stewart, a Seattle-based therapist and dating coach.“Making sure those things match up are a lot more indicative of whether or not a romance will last than superficial details like salary."The fix: Go ahead and have a list of things you want in a guy, but put the things you need Maybe you always date tall guys or find yourself going after book-loving hipsters.




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