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I see far too many people jumping into relationships and not guarding their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated.

We need to keep telling ourselves the basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship. While you spend time getting to know someone as a friend, you are able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them.

Triangles are stable when all three legs are connected.

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The wisest man in the bible, King Solomon said, Guard your affections, for out of them come the issues of life.There is this idea that we have one soul mate and that real love stories are supposed to be filled with obstacles and drama.While this makes for good entertainment, it isn’t real life.I think most women run into issues and confusion in their love lives because they don’t know what a truly healthy relationship looks like, and is supposed to feel like.And it’s not surprising given the very unrealistic portrayals of love in movies, TV, and music.This is one of the most common dilemmas my patients have brought to me over the past four decades.Though there are multiple variations on the theme, there is one way in which they all are similar: two women are in a competitive triangle with the same man. You know this isn't the person you'll be with forever, but they're fine for now. Truthfully, you know you shouldn't be dating anyone right now but oh god, human contact and oh god, so much crying. It's easier to focus on another person, even if that person blooooows, than to focus on what's really bothering you. Most of the love stories we see in pop culture are rooted in infatuation…not real love.Some degree of infatuation is fine, but a relationship entirely rooted in infatuation is usually doomed. If I wanted to find someone great I'd have to, like, meet people. You're too lazy to find someone else and you don't want to be alone. Look, I know there are people out there whose standards really are too high but if what you're looking for is "a funny, feminist, intelligent, cool person," trust me. You're worried your standards are too high, so you figure maybe you should just settle.




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