For instance, if a woman was thinking of starting a business she would be faced with positive and negative aspects.

Before actually starting the business, the woman would be excited about the prospects of success for the new business and she would encounter (approach) the positive aspects first: she would attract investors, create interest in her upcoming ideas and it would be a new challenge.

In approach-avoidance relationships, when you want closeness with the other person, s/he is not available and does not want you.I have been very hurt and confused by his behavior. I’ve tried everything I know of, but the pattern doesn’t change. Dear Hurt and Confused: You are describing a pattern of behavior known as “Approach-Avoidance.” Here is how is works: when he has you, he doesn’t want you. Because then he gets what he really seeks: distant intimacy.When he doesn’t have you—and the two of you have a lot of space and separateness—he wants you very much. People who want distant intimacy are basically afraid of or intimidated by a lot of closeness.Frequently they give double messages, such as “come closer but keep your distance” simultaneously.The approach-avoidant person wants closeness, but only a little bit, and only in safe doses.Dear Pearl: We're glad that you wrote to us, because your instincts are right on the mark.It sounds to us like this man is encountering some sort of internal conflict each time the two of you take a step forward in your relationship.The negative effects of the decision help influence the decision maker to avoid the goal or event, while the positive effects influence the decision maker to want to approach or proceed with the goal or event.The influence of the negative and positive aspects create a conflict because the decision maker has to either proceed toward the goal or avoid the goal altogether.Whenever you have a deep conversation in which you share your feelings or personal experiences or thoughts, he seems to take a step backward by avoiding you for several days and by not talking about your last date when you finally get together.It seems as if he struggles to get closer to you emotionally, but once he does he has to retreat because he doesn't know how to deal with the closeness.Suddenly after two months, everything was off, as he needed some “personal space.” We ended our relationship, but reconciled two months later.This on and off pattern has been dragging on now for the past year and a half.The decision maker might initiate approach toward the goal, but as awareness of the negative factors increases, the desire to avoid the goal may arise, producing indecision.If there are competing feelings to a goal, the stronger of the two will triumph.