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Setting in after my father’s death from cancer, it felt intense and unyielding as it developed into the defining aspect of my life — something that set me apart from others and made me wonder if I could ever hope for a future free from loneliness.That is why, at my loneliest, I felt choked with silence.To me, the term ‘lonely’ seemed to be reserved for the unwelcome, the unwanted, the marginalised. When I tried to mention it to my doctor — a man with a wife, three children and a busy practice — he laughed and said that he’d love, yes, love, to have some time alone.He misunderstood me so fundamentally that I left the surgery without a word.This is the last place I had thought of, but here I am.I'm a CS student in my third year of college, I'm 19.I don't see it working, and it drains me physically, mentally and specially emotionally.I have no way of letting this out - I can't cry. I constantly ask myself how could I -and why the hell I can't- connect and surround myself with the people that I would like to be with.

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Loneliness goes away when we connect with each other from our hearts.Josh Martell doesn't look like the popular kid anymore.His thick neck protrudes from a muscular body that once led the Preble Hornets of Green Bay to consecutive all-conference football titles. When I'm working with a client who is struggling with a substance addiction, such as food or alcohol, and I ask them to look inside to see what feeling they are avoiding with the substance, the answer is often "loneliness.: You might believe that the people who feel lonely are people who are not in a relationship, but just as often, they are lonely in their relationship.Being in a relationship does not always take away loneliness -- it often causes it.I feel old, I spend most of my time alone, and I feel as if I have no motivation for anything.My college experience has been, honestly, brutally disappointing; I just look around and see my peers having the time of their lives, finding opportunities, spending time with friends.I don't want to fall into that ugly spiral of negative thoughts, I don't want to be the person nobody wants to talk to, but I'm afraid I have become that guy.I deeply wish to be a cool, interesting person to be around with. I feel that before I had something to offer to people, something that made me interesting. I’m currently in counselling, but the therapist keeps telling me I should keep talking to at least one stranger every single day.It might have been luck that saved Martell during a patrol in Baquba, Iraq, a lush, rural insurgent paradise nestled in a river valley 40 miles northeast of Baghdad.A bomb targeting foot soldiers detonated near him during the bloody summer of 2007, when American casualties reached an all-time high.Tattoos now crawl up and down his arms; a collection of luck-themed designs pay tribute to a Las Vegas jaunt, where he won over ,000 on a single bet at the blackjack table.The winning hand is etched on his right forearm opposite the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign on his left.Feeling both alone and lonely can lead to a deep experience of despair.Just because we are alone does not mean we will feel that painful feeling of inner emptiness or loneliness.




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